My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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