two words: eviction party
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
