You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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