i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she looked like the before picture.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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