i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
