worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
