so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
