Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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