my shit smells like andre
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The Olympian is in my bed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
