i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
People in love make me want to vomit
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
