I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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