It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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