So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
