Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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