she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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