i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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