She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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