there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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