I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
