it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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