Plan B is the new Plan A
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We need to get me chipped asap
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
