we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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