I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
