This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
