operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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