Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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