omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
zippers are such a cool invention
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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