i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
