What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
