Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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