DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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