Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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