He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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