She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
