yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
