Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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