Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize