Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize