im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
