Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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