You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize