this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
