bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
