Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
