take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
