somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
