I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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