can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
