How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
