Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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