Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
