i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
