I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
