Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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