I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
