why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
