You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
