There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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