If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
