I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
