so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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