I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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