A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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