Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
