I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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