a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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