based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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