you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
