I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
