u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
