mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
