Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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