do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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