Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
