Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
